it’s not often that you find yourself stuck in a room with someone who seems almost like a mirror image of yourself. however it is likely that sometime, somewhere, during a person’s life, that they will encounter people and be able to recognize in them, good and bad qualities that they themselves have. & though it’s a good thing, to know yourself… sometimes it always seems better to not know.
a child’s naivety and innocence is what makes them exactly that - a child. and its’not the fact that innocence and naivety is lost during a human’s growth that’s depressing. it’s the fact that once those things are lost - they are never gained back. when a person is bullied for the first time, they learn of emotions like unacceptance, inferiority and fear. when a person is alone for the first time, they learn that trust is to be feared, that kindness is sometimes not what it seems, and that betrayal is at every point. & when you’ve gone through all that and more…to stand up is to bear the weight of all those things, to move on is to carry with you a mind full of burdens…and to forgive, is sometimes the hardest to do.
the idea of being “lost” is generally often…well, lost to people. during your primary school years, the only place you can really be “lost” is in the aisles of a supermarket, or the maze-like structure of department stores. during your teenage years, being “lost” means goign out with friends aimlessly and not knowing where you are exactly or where you want to be. and though i’m not an adult, even i know that “lost” is such a lost concept on so many. because it’s not until you realize how truly lost you are, that you realize the huge security that people take for granted from knowing where they are, who they are and why they are.
and maybe..for the first time - though i’d hate to admit this to anyone face-to-face. i’m nothing else but lost.
wouldn’t it be nice to live the life of a fairy tale? sure, you might have to battle dragons, stare death many times in the face, lose the person that you love many times, but always, or at least for me, when i look at a fairy tale you look at it knowing you have a guarantee that something will turn out right. similarly when i watch a tv drama, i more often than not skip to the last episode, just to see if there’s a happy ending. because…well people like guarantees. people WANT to know it’ll be all right, they NEED it to be all right because then you can battle through it all knowing that somehow, in some way, things will be okay.
everything always looks complete, whole and perfect from the outside looking in.
when people paint pictures, there are those who aim for the perfect. just like me. i’ve always been the girl who drew her houses square with a triangle roof, pigs never flew, it never rained and even the most simple stick figures wore smiles on their faces. when i wrote stories, i knew they were going to be okay, no one was going to die if i coudl help it, no ambiguous endings. what i wanted was guarantee, i wanted the 100% that didn’t exist. because sometimes…just sometimes
having everything just look complete, whole and perfect is enough.
when you can be in a room full of peopel and still feel all alone
this is what happens when school no longer makes you wear uniform…
it’s nice to know friends still plan what to wear though !
[props to my friend who linked me the photo. wish i’d been in school to see that!]
“you’re trapped under a slab of stone. you on one side, your brother on the other. your mother is given a choice “you can only save one child” and you lay alive, blinking, breathing as you hear the three words that change your life “save my son””
THIS is truly an amazing and really emotional film and shows just how many sides a story can be told from. And for anyone out there who hasn’t seen it, AFTERSHOCK, covers the story of the girl who lived knowing her mother chose her death as she walks through the hardships of life with the recurring theme that “family will always be family”…
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